I'm siting on a train, traveling from Berlin to Frankfurt. I just left my husband and my one and a half year old child at home and left for work.
I have friends that, like me, work and have children. I often find myself encouraging them whenever they have to spend time away from their families, whether traveling or working at their studios. I tell them (but I'm telling myself as well) that as hard as it might be to be away from your child for some time, doing what matters to you makes a good role model to your baby. Also, you might actually enjoy some time apart, being yourself kid-free in the wild!
I wondered how having a baby would affect my professional life. I know now: you don't really know until the baby is actually there. What surprised me is that despite he did have a big influence in my life I feel able to keep on doing many things that matter to me.
As simple as I just said it, this is not a smooth path. There’s a lot of struggle in between, but unlike what I heard before becoming a mom, the outlook is much more optimistic than I imagined. If you're new to motherhood or you're planing on having a baby, this post might be of help.
These are some random points that I put together from my own experience and hours of intense chatting with other working moms.
First months
In the first months of life, your baby doesn't really do much other than eating and sleeping. Considering everything develops according to the standards, that could give you time to do something if you'd want to. During my son’s first months of life I almost didn't take any client commissions and that allowed me to focus on finishing a book. Looking back and unlike all my expectations, those were probably the best given conditions to do such a huge, time consuming project.
Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone
Germany offers the big opportunity of taking up to two years of payed maternity leave. However, after five months of being a full time mom, I was ready to put my baby in day care. And I couldn't do better! I was so happy to spend hours working at my studio and come back to meet my son again. The time spent together was all of the sudden 100% enjoyable; baby and mom were happy.
Being a full time mom is not for everyone and you don't need to push it if you don't want to. Continue breastfeeding is also possible, you’ll find tons of guidance on the internet.
Being back to work is not for everyone
Considering your maternity leave time is through and you feel you're not ready to go back to work, try your best to avoid it. Talk to your employer or to your clients if you're a freelancer. Negotiate that valuable time for spending time with your baby if that's what you want.
Be prepared for an attitude change
Once I was back at work I was so extremely focused that I could almost move things with my sight. Consequently, I felt that the people around me where hanging out way too much. Your productivity levels may increase and the sociable person you used to be might be gone for a while.
A person with a child
Expect people and colleagues to stop inviting you to meetings. And if they do, feel free to say “no, thanks”. Many will be probably thinking that since you have a child you're acting weird and wondering what’s wrong with you. Is hard for people without babies to understand what people with babies experience (specially in the first months or years). I know this because I was one of them once!
Being away is possible
I consider traveling a part of my work. I travel to places to give lectures or workshops at least five times a year. The first time I was apart from my son was when he was 7 months old. I was insecure to leave but my husband and I decided to give it a try. Happy news, after three days away, I arrived home to discover that my family had done just great without me and the whole thing felt right. When feeling insecure, giving it a try is a good way to see if it works for you and your family.
You're not so important
After the first months are through, your baby can absolutely survive some days without you. All you need to start with is a supportive partner that is willing to take over. If he/she is not like that, train him/her!
Be ready for questions
Almost every time I'm at a conference or away from home for work I get the question: "and what do you do with your baby?". I keep wondering if people would ask that to my husband if he'd be in that same situation. Unfortunately this mind set is still deeply rooted in our culture, therefore I advice you to have your generic answer prepared so you don't need to invest an inch of brain on it. I normally smile and answer: “My baby has a dad and he's staying with him”. Period.
It's ok not to feel guilty
I love my work and is such an essential part of my life that I don't regret the times I decide to be away from my family to focus on it. Personally I use the rule: if it feels right to me it will probably be fine for my son, too. I keep saying to my friends (and myself) that being truth to what you think is worthwhile is definitely a learning you want to pass on to your kid.
I'm thrilled to announce that I'll be visiting South America this August to talk and teach lettering workshops in several cities. I'll be bringing books and products form my shop with me, too!. The workshops are booked out but you can join me at the talks. Here's a list of workshops and talks per city.
